A Letter

Dear My Maker,

I woke up this morning feeling empty and scared.  There was no one sitting on my round legs, scraping at my bones, pulling my veins out and soldering them back together or poking at my brains wondering why my many LED eyes are solid red instead of blinking green.  No one is turning me on or off – frustrating me and themselves – don’t people know what they want these days!?! There are no sweet, sweet, profane lullabies singing in my ears! I don’t smell the stench of unwashed armpits or the lingering coffee breath exacerbated by days sans toothbrush.

“Where am I?” I thought. I am captive in a dark room untouched and unwanted – resting but, lonely.  “Come back to me,” I shout. But, the only sign of hearing is from the reverberating orange straps that hold me captive to the trailer. 

I am proud of you.  Shoot, I am proud of me!  My shrink tells me it is sometimes necessary and good for a child to lift up his birthers – even when he is an infant and they, the birthers, have barely more life experience than Taylor Swift in 1999.

So hear this makers of me: You should be showered by now, your teeth should be brushed, the sleepy crap should be out of your eyes, and you should have eaten at least three servings of vegetables and some fruit.  Now stand up and be proud, you made me and I am pretty freaking awesome!!  Yes, I am not perfect, my head is not completely symmetrical, I am a little chubbier than is healthy, I seem to get sick randomly (something about gremlins in my BMS), my doctors keep challenging where you put my fuses and if my organs are isolated correctly, but you made me!  You made me from nothing!

McMaster makers (FH 2015 runner-up), I have a crush on your baby, beautiful, just beautiful.  Shoot, I have a crush on you, the makers, but I am not sure I can have so many lovers.  What about the offspring of your friends: Waterloo? I know he farted some flame during the autocross event, but, Waterloo makers, you happy go-lucky winners of Formula Hybrid 2015, you got that oil under control and made it to endurance, kudos and congrats. Baby Tuft’s mama and papa (FH 2015 EV WINNER) I didn’t even know you had a kid until I saw him crawl to a win during the endurance race, you certainly proved the most overused adage in the book. Next year, I hope to finally meet the progeny of University of Victoria (FH2015 2nd runner-up), it seems like you made history by genetically engineering your child! I guess I like Canada, I am just happy they left the square wheels home. 

Georgia Tech makers (FH 2015 EV 2nd runner-up), what gentlepeople, keep er going, I will see you next year. Carnegie Mellon makers (FH 2015 EV runner-up), is your baby a genius? His brain seemed to stretch from toe to nose! Even some genius babies need a push at the beginning. Keep pushing and, you know, maybe make those last connections, I think they are crucial.  University of Vermont makers (you are pretty hip), look, some babies are born with more muscle than they need and still walk late, it is OK, he’ll learn to use it, at least he has a big brain. Power and smarts, impressive combo! IIT makers (FH 2015 EV runner-up), I thought your baby was an alien and then I found the missing parts all wrapped up in four compact bundles of engineered bliss, let them spin, let them spin. Next time stay a while and let your child have his moment!

To my friends not mentioned by name, tell your makers you love them, they need your love.  Tell them you are proud of them, tell them you need their attention as soon as tomorrow.  

To the makers of me and my friends, raise your sugar-free Redbull with honor and a hint of hubris and repeat the words a good friend once used to change my life: “Grab life by the cajones, come back tomorrow and let’s try this again.” 

See you next year! You are awesome!

Yours truly,